General Witterings -
Chilly Rosy

The aide-memoire for this week's witterings reads:

Cold, bucket, stoves, water, shower, midgets, lap dancing, Y..., Titus, blokes, woozy

I won't go on too long about how cold it has been here.  At least -8, maybe -10, with a bracing wind as well.  Most unpleasant.  But at least it has been a dry cold.

Before the ice arrived (there hasn't actually, been much of it) I emptied THE bucket over the side.  There aren't many greater embarrassments than a full bucket inboard, and two inches of ice outboard.

The only difficulty has been to keep both stoves going.

The stern cabin is heated by a coal-fired stove, the rest of the boat by a Kabola Old Dutch diesel stove.  The technique of keeping the coal stove going 24/7 has consistently eluded me.  The Old Dutch needs closing down for ninety minutes every two or three weeks for a decoke.  Unfortunately, when the cold spell struck, it took it into its mind to shut itself down - generally in the early morning and late at night.  One ghastly morning both stoves were out, and it was a pretty miserable two hours before Rosy was warm again.

I eventually decided that it was the cold that was shutting down the diesel stove - the cold causing the fuel to thicken.  I opened up the inlet valve, and this seems to have cured the problem.  But it is curious that this problem did not arise last winter, or the previous one, when we experienced even colder weather.

Just before the freeze set in, Christophe, the Capitaine of the Port of Briare, shut off the water supply to the moorings.  Unfortunately, he forgot to drain down the pipes.  So when he turned the water on for us to fill our water tanks, no water flowed.  It took two council workers, a truck and a water trailer, half a day to truck water in for us all.  Christophe hopes that the water will flow again when the thaw comes.  Our guess is that the pipes will be burst.  We'll see.

Anyway, we all have free shower tokens to make up for our erratic water supply.

Does anyone know of a cold midget?  I had a very nice 'n' cosy North Cape base layer, high necked undershirt.  It went into a 60 degree wash cycle at the local launderette, when (as I later read) it only wants 40 degrees, and it would now fit one of Snow White's seven admirers.

Fanny the Wooflet is still doing famously.  She has doubled in weight since she arrived on the scene, but she is still lithe and fit, and very pretty.  This, coupled with her lack of embarrassment about showing off her personal bits 'n' pieces, has led me to think about alternative career paths for her.  I still think we should keep Black Rod in mind as an ultimate goal, but that job normally goes to a retired old buffer in need of something not too taxing.  So, whilst awaiting the call, I thought Fanny could take to lap dancing.  She's a lovely little mover, she tramps around in any empty lap, and licks and nibbles any available appendage  - especially ears.  I really think that this is a goer.

Y... came to our attention a few months ago.  She is married to H... who wears his 60 summers rather well.  Y... wears hers rather less so.  Despite this, she is a coquettish simperer, especially when engaged in the four air kisses that are 'de rigeur' in this part of France.  We first met her chez Véronique in the Bar St Hubert, when, at chucking out time, we were asked back to their boat - a party of about six or seven of us.  On the boat Y... disappeared, whilst H... provided us with drinks and nibbles.  After ten minutes, Y... re-appeared, having divested herself of her outdoor and under garments, and reclothed herself in a rather homely, if dilapidated dressing gown.  This was wont to flop open at odd moments, to reveal various bits of her personage.  It was also apparent that she was pretty pissed.  Indeed, subsequently, I have come to the opinion that she is relatively sober between her first appearance in the morning (normally between 9 and 9.15am) until around about 11am.  From then onwards she is pretty well sozzled.  She has a cat called (significantly?) Bébé, which is the size of the average farmyard marmalade cat, but with the distinctive coloration of a Siamese seal point.

Y... next came to my attention at the New Year's Eve party, where I saw her squirreling away large quantities of foie gras for her Bébé, with the odd bit being given to Fanny.  Foie gras for animals!!!!!

There was another party last night for Michel's 70th birthday.  We clubbed together for a present, and he got a .22 rifle from us.  Ducks beware!! 

The party was stolen by Christophe who has a new puppy - a two month old, very serious looking border collie called ... Titus.  So, Fanny and Tight Ass make up 50% of the Port de Briare border collie population (if David Long lets us add Tryfan in with Jess the Woof).

I had an e-mail from a net surfer who thought that a site devoted "... to a bloke and his Fanny on a boat in France..." was worth a surf.

Finally, I've had a couple of off-colour days.  The worst was an off-colour night.  At 6pm, gorged myself on some rather fatty belly of pork.  About 10pm I started to feel giddy.  I took Fanny for a walk.  It was freezing cold, and I actually walked well away from the canal in case I keeled over.  Safely back on Rosy, it was real effort to make up the cross bed in the back cabin.  When I eventually lay down, the whole world started spinning clockwise.  This happens when I'm drunk, but then when I close my eyes, the world stays still, but I start spinning anti-clockwise.  In this case, when I closed my eyes, both the world and I were stationary, though I felt pretty nauseous, and wasn't concerned about waking up again - EVER - if only I could get to sleep now ... which I did.  I woke at 2am feeling fine, but sleepy.  Fanny woke at 4am wanting out for a pee, and again at 6am.  This time, half way between the boat and the bank, she apparently decided to go for a swim instead, choosing one of the few patches of water clear of ice.  Luckily she had her lead on, so a rescue was effected without too much bother, though the poor Wooflet was a bit frit.

I think that that is enough for this week.

Toodle pip!!

Bill